A lot of languages don’t have a clean word for “we’re not officially dating, but we’re definitely not just friends either.” Korean does — and it’s such a well-recognized stage that everyone understands exactly what you mean when you use it.
What Does 썸 (Some) Mean?
썸 comes from the English word “something,” shortened down. It describes the stretch of time between meeting someone you’re interested in and actually becoming an official couple — texting constantly, going on dates, clearly into each other, but without either person having said the actual words that make it official.
How You Know You’re “썸 타는” (In a Some)
- Daily texting or calls that go well beyond normal friend-level contact
- One-on-one hangouts and dates, but without either person using relationship labels
- Both people (and usually their friends) are aware something is happening, even if it’s unspoken
- Physical affection may happen, but it’s still ambiguous — neither side has “asked” the other out yet
Why 썸 Exists as Its Own Phase
Unlike a lot of Western dating cultures where “dating” itself can mean anything from casual to serious, Korean relationship culture draws a much clearer line at “official” (사귀다 — to date/go out with). Because that line is so defined, there needed to be a word for everything that happens before it — and that’s exactly what 썸 fills. It gives people social permission to be in that uncertain, exploratory phase without needing to define it prematurely.
How 썸 Usually Ends
There are really only two outcomes: someone makes a confession (고백 — a direct, explicit ask like “will you date me?”) and it becomes official, or the 썸 quietly fades out without either side ever addressing it directly. Unlike Western “the talk,” the Korean confession moment is often a clear, somewhat formal verbal ask — not just an assumption that builds over time. Until that confession happens, neither person is considered “taken,” even if they’ve been inseparable for weeks.
A Quick Vocabulary Guide
- 썸 타다 (sseom tada): to be in the “some” stage with someone
- 고백하다 (gobaek-hada): to confess / formally ask someone to date you
- 사귀다 (sagwida): to officially date/go out with someone
- 밀당 (mildang): “push-pull” — the back-and-forth dynamic of showing and withholding interest, often happening during the 썸 phase